David and Goliath is a very popular bible story told to us as we grow up. The big bad Goliath and the small boy who whos faith was bigger then Goliath. The more we read the popular we can see it's more then just faith, it's that ability to face all circumstances that are set before us. The loss of children, the loss of jobs, the loss of marriages, the loss of a husband or wife, the drowing in bills, the acceptance of sick children or parents. It's having the faith through the most diffecult times that God is there, and he hasn't left you.
I have learned through many years of growing up the value of faith, and laying those things that seem too much for me to handle at God's feet. I watched my parents grieve the loss of my 21 year old brother Cary, and at 13 for the first time really having to grasp the concept of death. Hearing them in my room crying through the night, and being strong for us during the days. Continuing on in as much normal behavior as they could leading a church, and reaching to the homeless on the streets of Riverside California. My young mind at that point couldn't understand it all, wanting nothing but my brother back with me, wanting nothing but to hear my brothers laugh again, wanting nothing but to have another hug from him. His voice saying I love you Katy Did It, I missed Cary, and couldn't grasp the feeling of he was never coming home and that God has him now. I was angry that a God who loved us so much would allow so much pain on my parents who did nothing but bring glory to him by reaching those who were at their lowest. I went on for many years with this pain and anger towards God.
As I became a young adult in college, I began to understand the meaning of Gods love and why my parents were able to move forward. Not to forget about Cary, but to rejoice in the growth in their lives and marriage because of this sitaution. They could have laid down and died, they could have continued to allow the grief to run their lives. They could have taught us that faith is fine until the hard stuff hits. God allowed this ok got that!, but God was also there the whole time to carry my parents through this knowing that his glory and reasons would be revealed in due time.
At Point Loma I did begin to understand and asked Jesus into my life,as I released the anger toward God, I allowed God to show me what faith was all about. At the young age of 24 I gave birth to a beautiful baby named Josiah, at the age of 25 me and my husband had to pull life support from this beautiful baby. The life of my brother began etching his way into my life at this time. Cary was going to be a part of my life for many years too come.
Elijah, was born on June 26th 1998 and a miracle in his own right. Dr's seeing a cleft lip and palate clear as day on the ultra sound and worried that we had another Josiah situation called for Keith who was in Korea. Elijah came into this world baffling Dr's and perfect in every way. As the years went on we saw there wasn't something right, He just wasn't connecting like the other kids, at age 4 wasn't even hardly talking. Still not pooty trainned at age 5 and still only saying a few words, Dr's began the test. At age 7 there was a final diagnoses AUTISM, since then Elijah has began talking ( we can't get him to stop talking) walking ( ok RUNNING and CLIMBING) and doing things we thought never would happen like reading and math. You look into Elijahs eyes you see Cary, you look at his smile you see Cary, you watch his movements you see Cary and the best thing ever. You hear his laugh... you hear CARY. If Cary would have been raised in todays age I'm positive he would have been diagnosed with Autism, but back then there was no such thing and it was something the parents were lacking in teaching that was causing such issues. ( thank God I didn't have to raise my child back then like my mom did). God has given me the biggest gift ever through Elijah, my brother Cary. I didn't understand as a teen why, and through my parents teaching the death of my own son I have seen God does care and carrys his purpose on in ways we might not understand.
So as I hold Elijah I will continue to Carry Cary in my heart knowing he would have loved Elijah and would have fully understood Elijahs flapping and humming. I will continue to tell Elijah about his Uncle Cary, his singing, his love for running, his love for busses and his big full laugh and smile that always brightened my day.
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